Breakups & Divorce
Heal cleanly, protect your peace, and rebuild a better life—step by step.
Endings hurt. This page keeps you steady—clear moves for the first 30 days, boundaries that stop the spiral, and routines that rebuild a stronger you. Read a chapter, try the “Moves” for a week, then stack the next one.
Goal: calm your nervous system, protect your future, and grow a life you’re proud to live.
Chapters
01. First 30 Days: Emergency Calm
Stabilize first. You need sleep, food, sunlight, and a short list of must-dos. Cut optional drama; protect bandwidth.
Moves
• Daily 20-min reset (walk + breath + one task).
• Three calls: one friend, one practical helper, one legal/financial consult.
• Write a tiny checklist for each day this week.
Stability first; decisions later.
02. No-Contact & Detox from Loops
Rumination feeds pain. Set no-contact (or minimum legal contact) and remove digital triggers so your brain can heal.
Moves
• Block/mute; remove photos for now (archive later).
• Script for required logistics only.
• “Urge surf”: 10 minutes of walk/breathe before any reach-out.
Space is medicine.
03. Legal & Financial Basics
Know the map. Clarify rights, responsibilities, and timelines. Organize documents; don’t guess.
Moves
• File/scan: IDs, accounts, titles, taxes, leases/deeds, insurance.
• Open a separate bank account; track income/expenses.
• Initial consult with attorney/mediator; list next steps.
Information reduces fear.
04. Safety, Housing & Logistics
Secure your basics: safety plan, roof, transport, income. Ask for help; it’s strength.
Moves
• Change locks/passwords where appropriate.
• Temporary housing plan; commute and childcare check.
• Update mail forwarding, utilities, and emergency contacts.
Foundation = freedom to heal.
05. Co-Parenting Without War
Kids need calm. Keep adult issues away from them. Communicate briefly, factually, and in writing.
Moves
• Use a co-parenting app or email; no side texts.
• Share schedules and health/school updates promptly.
• Script: “For our child’s benefit, my proposal is…”
Protect the kids; protect your peace.
06. Lonely Evenings Gameplan
Nights are hardest. Pre-plan “lonely hour” routines that soothe and occupy your mind/body.
Moves
• 30-minute walk/call a friend; light meal; hot shower; early bed.
• Two “comfort shows” or books; set a cut-off time.
• Phone in another room after 9pm.
Evenings can be safe again—with a plan.
07. Grief & Nervous System Care
Grief comes in waves. Regulate your body to think clearly: breath, movement, and gentle structure.
Moves
• Box breathing 4×4×4×4, 3 sets.
• Sunlight + 10–20 min walk daily.
• Journal one page: name feelings; no judgment.
Soothe the body; the mind follows.
08. Red Flags & Trauma Bonds
Intensity isn’t intimacy. Learn patterns that hook you to harm and how to stay out of the loop.
Moves
• List your top 5 red flags; promise to walk at flag #2.
• Accountability buddy you text before responding.
• Replace chaos with steady routines and safe people.
Choose boring healthy over exciting toxic.
09. Rebuild Identity & Routine
Who are you now? Rebuild daily rhythms and small wins that remind you you’re capable and worthy.
Moves
• Morning 3: make bed, hydrate, 10-min tidy.
• Weekly “progress hour” on a personal project.
• Join one community activity.
Identity returns through action.
10. Healthy Dating (When Ready)
Date from wholeness, not emptiness. Clarity + boundaries protect your heart and time.
Moves
• 3 non-negotiables + 3 “nice-to-haves.”
• 90-minute first dates; sober clarity.
• End early if values misalign—no guilt.
Pick on character, not chemistry alone.
11. Friends, Community & Boundaries
Build a circle that lifts you. Limit people who keep you stuck in the past.
Moves
• Text three “builders” this week; schedule time.
• Boundary script: “I’m not discussing X right now.”
• Contribute: volunteer or join a group.
The right people accelerate healing.
12. Six-Month Stronger-Self Plan
Design your next season on purpose: health, work, home, relationships, fun. Small steps, repeated.
Moves
• Choose 3 habits (daily) + 2 projects (weekly).
• Calendar the first actions now.
• Monthly review: keep/adjust/drop.
You’re not starting over—you're starting wiser.